The Erma Bombeck Collection by Erma Bombeck

Author:Erma Bombeck
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Essays, Retail, Humor, Nonfiction
ISBN: 9781480430594
Publisher: Open Road Media
Published: 2013-05-21T04:00:00+00:00

25.

What kind of a mother would...go in search other daughter’s “real mother”?

Pat

SO YOU’RE JOANIE’S “REAL mother.”

I’ve made a million speeches to you in the bathroom mirror. They were all brilliant.

I thought you’d be taller. You always seemed taller when we talked about you. And you always looked like Barbara Stanwyck to me. Don’t ask why.

We’ve talked about you a lot. As soon as Joanie—that’s your daughter’s name now—was able to focus, we told her she was adopted. We told her her real mother loved her so much that she was unselfish enough to give her up to someone who could give her all the things she couldn’t. That’s true, isn’t it? No, never mind. I don’t want to know.

Forgive me for staring. It’s just that all my life, I’ve wanted to see what a “real” mother really looks like. Joanie always seemed to know you better than we did. You know, “My real mother wouldn’t have done that” or “My real mother wouldn’t have said that.” That kind of thing.

I guess first off I should thank you for giving birth to our child. I don’t know how we would have gotten through life without Joanie. Children make your life important.

There’s probably a lot of things you want to know about Joanie. Is she beautiful? Is she smart? Is she happy? Does she play the piano? I guess I owe you that.

It’s funny. I’ve always wondered about my debt to you. Things like how much do I owe you? When is the debt paid? And when do I become “real”?

It’s only fair that if you hear all the good stuff, maybe you have to hear the bad stuff. There were bad times, you know. Did you know that our—your—daughter almost died from an asthma attack when she was eight? I thought about you that night as both of us gasped for every breath together under that vaporizing tent. I said to myself, “Where in the hell are you now, real mother?”

Why am I doing this? Why am I so angry at you? I’ve always known you did what you thought was best. I can tell by the look on your face that you honestly don’t know what you did that I think is so terrible.

I’m not sure myself. I only know that when you went away you took a part of our child with you that we can’t give her. You took away her history!

Without a past, she’s been adrift on a sea of frustration, sometimes afloat and sometimes sinking, and she doesn’t even know what port is home. Is she allergic to penicillin? Did her grandfather have red hair? Is she part Irish? Was she conceived in love? Was she really wanted? Is there someone out there who bears her likeness?

It’s been difficult for all of us. How can any of us go forward until we know what is behind us?

Love? People talk about it like it’s the universal Band-Aid for all physical and emotional ailments. Well, there’s one thing it can’t cure.

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